Why write ... seriously to ... you!

When you take a pause from personal writing, even if somewhat public, and go into observation mode, you take it on as a learning experience. That is clearly what I have done here with Northworthy. Even prophetically. With posts 7 years and 27 days apart.

Sure I wrote bits n bites here and there, and for work. All elsewhere.

But I did not devote myself into 'me' and what serious and good thoughts I have today, to reflect on, or on the matters that come into my mind that need serious focus, in that entire span.

The "fly bye" reactive and attention sharing Facebook or Twitter worlds? "Look at this, look at that, share this and share that. For the curious, amitriptyline ...

Would it be fair to call either an environment, one for much original thinking of your own?

For that matter, social gaming, part of the new economy, takes you away just as drugs or alcohol could, from facing life square on. If you get stuck in a competitive environment, with "social" reinforcement, you may end up here.

I did. And I was not a formative youth. It just happened.

It was almost like an early 70's experience for me, where through soft drugs, I went consciousness raising.

But I woke up and said "No." That was me at 19 years of age.

And the "wreckage" of those choices took at least 25 years to repair.

My teenage sons went there and are still there in their early 20's. Social gaming is their crutch but do they think that it is also holding them back from taking their own thoughts seriously?

The most important thing to me is my own thoughts. They shape me. Who else is going to take care of that "me"? FB will not. Twitter will not. Social gaming will not. None of those modern distractions will let "me" think forward from my own thoughts, in any serious manner, other than extremely briefly.

You are up to you! Never forget it.

Yes "love" helps but it also enables you, whether off the tracks, or on the tracks. A good partner can cause reflection, give space, and if you are developed (will you ever grow up?), you can roll with it and do "ok."

A lot people choose to be ok but to me, one part of "ok" is not. Satisfied.

I think there is more to life than just resting on where you have been and where you are.

What about where you are going to be and how you are going to get there, in control and in charge of your own life?

How is your self examination of today going to be in the "noise" ? It will be noisy and delayed by necessaries.

I work in a fast paced, interrupted environment with many competing interests and ideas to balance and execute on, as best I can, give it my excellence, all day, every day. I did get my first million that way and will get my second as well - I am not hurting even though a "million" is not what it once was.

For a non-have guy, but a be-ing guy, life is good. With nothing, it would be good but the choice of being v. having has given a slow-learner, a balanced good life, with love and kindness and much food for thought.

That is what writing does for me: I check and think and dig.

Surely I can check on my being, verbally or mentally, while saying to the standard "Howse it going?" "Good!"

Maybe that time is to start the quickie checkup ... and remember your goals and fundamentals for that day. When its time to write, work on those long terms goals, free of noise, in contemplative thought.

Pain. God is Pain. God is Love.

Pain. God is Pain. God is Love.

My late Uncle Irving would be the most pious Jew known to his friends and family if they did not know him. He sang on Passover and effortlessly recited prayers, He toiled endlessly in preparation and in rituals, on the outside he was no half way measure guy when it came to rituals.

But the real Uncle Irving, to him God was dead. He died during the Holocaust, and He killed his family, and forced him in turn to be a man he did not want to be: a killer.

He never forgot. He lived on till he died in secret angst, "Where were You?" "In the face of such evil and to put such evil into men and women, where were You?"

Was God dead?

To my uncle, there was no God. There was ritual remaining only.

Those that knew him, knew this. Those that saw him, had no clue.

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He waited for me to come. A miracle.

He lost his wife. Fragile she went down, on 12 prescriptions, she lived.

On her death, his vibrancy and positive spirit lived. And lived on years alone.

We visited every year, his distant home, now an apartment where he saved everything for his only child. Organized her in wealth. But his destiny was set. In rituals still.

But God was dead to him.

Elderly yet strong as an ox, he was hospitalized, His heart weakened not his mind he lost consciousness, and only breathed.

I came to him on his death day. He "stayed alive for you" "waiting" said my cousin, and without doubt he did to me. It was a miracle, for me and for her.

I gripped his hand and he gripped mine, eyes closed, chest heaving,

We did not need to say a thing.

I knew how he felt, and his spirit having touched mine before so deeply, in touching embrace, I left him that day knowing I would not see him again. Knowing also that yes, he had waited for me. His torch my torch to live with as with the many other torches I have touched.

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Love.

I lost a love, 4 times now in life, the last no different that the other 3, yet the last, said it plain as the world grabbed her, after months of glorious pause, happy, in love, "I need 7 million dollars in the bank." yet despite that wish, and others recited as pagan as anything I heard, there was love still in me. But there was nothingness left in her. Her insight, her love, lost in her false religion to the worldly.

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God is not dead. God is love.

God is alive in me and His love, despite what I see of evil and of "wealth" I know what is ephemeral and what is not.

It is not what we have. It was we are inside that matters. It is how we exhibit our honesty or dishonest modesty, that matters.

Yes that can kill me. No one is safe.

My spirit? As I am, I am.

And that is God.

Life is a struggle and yet in rituals, God is alive, in those that want God to be alive. In those that seek God, God is alive, to live with, but know that God see's evil and destroys it, And God see's goodness and destroy's it with evil for goodness is not what goodness has but what goodness does, silently, effortlessly, God has His judgement days. And God has no promise but eternally to live on Himself.

Will we see a judgment day soon, evil and good to die?

God knows.